TOON BANK!!!

THE SYNDIAN FOOTNOTE

I have maintained throughout that Bankers have one of the most stressful job profile. In my case, it has only multiplied upon transfer from Phillaur (8133) to Ludhiana Main (8150). It is with this thought at the back of my mind, I have compiled the cartoon strips that you have just seen and hopefully enjoyed too!

These cartoons are the result of Google search and have been incorporated in the post purely for the purpose of providing some comic relief to fellow Syndians. THE SYNDIAN acknowledges the ingenuity of the respective cartoonists and does not in any way claim or wishes to appropriate the credit for the same. Thanks for poking fun on the tribe of Bankers!!!

I wish the reader hope, health and happiness.

Jai Hind! Jai Synd!

IMAGES COURTESY: GOOGLE SEARCH

LETTER TO BANK MANAGER!!!

An elderly lady actually wrote this letter to her bank.

Dear Sir,
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, re-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:

1. To make an appointment to see me.
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7. To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)
8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 8
9.  To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

Your Humble Client




THE SYNDIAN FOOTNOTE

I received this letter as a mail forwarded by Mr. Francis Passanha, Sr. Manager (Training), SIBM, Manipal and thought of sharing with all of you at an opportune time. What better an occasion than a March 30, when all of us are busy 'Closing'! If you did not notice, THE SYNDIAN completes an year in existence. It was last year, this date when the maiden post about a HT Customer Satisfaction Survey was published. Since then, THE SYNDIAN has been coming to you unfailingly on every 30th. Of course, it was not possible in February!!! I take this opportunity to thank all 'younger than evers' who have patronized THE SYNDIAN and would conclude with something from the devil's workshop!


THE THEORY BEHIND TWO DOORS!!!
"Why does the Branch Manager's cabin has two doors?", THE SYNDIAN asked.
Fresh out of JAIIB success, I replied: "Because, for every debit entry there is a corresponding credit exit!"

Jai Hind! Jai Synd! 

ONCE UPON A TIME IN MANIPAL!!!

The call letter was received on such a short notice that it became evident that I shall fly to Manipal as Indian Railways was not willing to accommodate me in any of the trains going south! Even as the family weighed the pros and cons of going by airplane to such a far off place, the air fares also kept on shooting with every passing minute. Eventually, I could book a place for me from Delhi to Mangalore via Mumbai for over 13500/- bucks, to be borne by me!
Anyways, I was excited as this would be the first time that I would be defying gravity! Before eventually I did that, I was flooded with barrage of advices from well-meaning 'experienced' flyers, right from fastening the seat-belt to chanting of Gayatri Mantra during take-off, from flying etiquette to asking for 'extra' glass of juice without paying! Poor me! It was like a bride-to-be nodding to every piece of 'time-tested' technique of winning over the groom! 
January 02, 2010 was an immensely cold and foggy morning in New Delhi. It was a struggle to reach the airport. As was expected, the flight got delayed due to inclement weather. While it was supposed to leave Delhi by 06:30 AM, it was only by 11:00 AM that I bid adieu to the turf. An elderly Maulana from Saharanpur seated next to me helped me with my seat-belt. I could not fully enjoy the journey to Mumbai because the mind was preoccupied with the worry that I was surely going to miss the connecting flight to Mangalore due to late take-off from Delhi!
As expected the flight to Mangalore had already departed by the time we touched ground at Mumbai! "Ab English bolni padegi", I said to myself and inquired about my fate from an artificially beautiful ground staff of the airline. Meanwhile, I realized I was not alone in this. An elderly couple and a petite girl with a big black bag. I remember noticing her name and phone number scribbled on the bag! (Remember old movies with the protagonist traveling for the first time out of his village with a 'trunk' decorated with his name, father's name, complete address! Ha ha ha....) Upon interaction, we realized that both of us were headed to SIBM*! The name on the bag was Charu! And the elderly couple were from Mangalore. They ended up as our guardians! Lovely people! Charu and I visited them on a Saturday evening! We are still in touch! 

IT JUST KEEPS COMING BACK! (JUHU BEACH, MUMBAI)

That we would get to fly out of Mumbai only the next morning gave us an evening at the Juhu beach! Having written a lot of poetry regarding its moods it was actually my first encounter with the sea! The inhibitions inherent in the first meeting prevented me from frolicking in the waves! People comfortable in Hindustani may be better able to appreciate this. A translation follows, however.

अगर मैं वक़्त होता सनम, तेरे हाथों से निकल जाता!

बुलाने पर कभी तेरे मैं चाह कर भी ना आ पाता!

मगर मैं सागर हूँ क्या करूँ? मेरी सीरत कुछ ऐसी है!

साहिल लाख नहीं चाहे, मैं रह-रह के भिगोता हूँ!

(If only I would have been time, I would have flown by! Even if you would have called, I would not have come back! But, I am Ocean, my nature is such! Even if the shore stays aloof and detached, I keep on coming back time and again and drenching it with love.)

AAJ MAIN UPAR, AASMA NEECHE........ON THE WAY TO MANGALORE!

CAUGHT IT! NOTICE THE SHADOW ON GROUND!!!

The next day we flew to Mangalore. Uncle-Aunt were gracious enough to cramp for space inside their own car as they offered us lift from Bajpe Airport to Mangalore. While taking leave, Charu and I promised to visit them. We boarded a bus to Manipal. The landscape was dotted with greenery, the surroundings were serene. Everything about the place was laid-back, in sharp contrast to the urban cacophony characteristic of Delhi! One more thing worth mentioning here is the jacket that seemed like 'insufficient funds' in Delhi had become an NPA! The sun that was on 'Loss Of Pay' leaves in North, was actually working tirelessly here in South!

After six days of tutoring by some of the very eminent faculties on various facets of banking, Saturday, January 09, 2010 was an outing to Mangalore to the residence of Pushpa Aunt and Kulkarni Uncle! What yummy Coconut and Pudina Chutney with Uttapam!!! Uncle told me of several relatives who had served the Bank in various capacities! I am family with them. Only yesterday over phone, I elicited a promise from Aunt to serve me the same Chutney when I visit them again! May God bless them!!!

AARTHI, AMOGH, CHARU, UNCLE AND AUNT

January 10, 2010, Sunday was the Syndians day out! We hired a KSRTC bus and went on a whirlwind tour of nearby places like Annegude, Mookambika, Murdeswara, Someswara and Marvante! (I wonder whether I got the names right!?) I will let the pictures do the talking. Have a look:

SOUTHERN SPICE! SYNDIANS ENJOYING THEIR DAY OUT

NEAR ANNEGUDE VINAYAKA TEMPLE: SYNDIANS ALL THE WAY!

MUSICAL DEVOTION: YESUDAS AT MOOKAMBIKA

THE MAJESTIC MURDESWARA

VIKAS, VARTIKA, TANU, SUPRIYA, ASHISH, RIZWANA AND VITHALA

On the last day of Induction Training, January 16, 2010, a few of us sneaked to Sri Krishna Temple, Udupi and Malpe Beach. A closely knit group by now, for time being at least, this was the last hurrah to Manipal. 

GIANT AND PIGMY TOGETHER! CHARU NEAR A CHARIOT AT SRI KRISHNA TEMPLE, UDUPI

THE JOY OF ANONYMITY IN THE STREETS OF UDUPI!

GOODBYE! SUN SETS AT MALPE ON 16.01.2010

Posted in different parts of the country, even as we communicate over phone with each other, the conversations often veer towards the Madness of Manipal! We would want to come again, and again and again!

THE SYNDIAN FOOTNOTE 

I will be honest. The possibility of getting posted in every nook and corner of India was one of the prime reasons for my gleefully accepting the appointment as a Probationary Officer, divorcing a rather peaceful (actually 2000 times!) and satisfying career as a Management Faculty. 

I have since childhood romanticized the idea of visiting uncharted terrain, unknown territories,  and unexplored frontiers. The offer for appointment in SyndicateBank was my ticket to serendipity! Actually, I am sometimes astounded by the variety that India has to offer, in terms of topography, people, culture, languages, religions, cuisines, customs, traditions and what not! When some pessimists claim that we have achieved little after so many years of independence, my reply is that the idea of India is in itself an achievement, that we co-exist is an achievement, that we govern ourselves through rule of law is an achievement! In fact, so diverse is the Indian milieu, that the usage of the term 'country'  or 'nation' for India is a misnomer. 

The current post marks the beginning of new label: 'Oh Syndian Ye Hai India'. THE SYNDIAN invites fellow Syndians to contribute their own travel experiences afforded to them due to proximity to their place of posting or LFC/ LTC facility that the Institution provides. You can send your travelogue (preferably with photographs) to me at syndashish@gmail.com along with a brief profile about yourself. They shall find place in subsequent posts on THE SYNDIAN under the captioned label. My next travelogue: ONCE UPON A TIME IN AMRITSAR!!!
*There has been only tangential reference to SIBM in the current post. A separate post exclusively on SIBM will come shortly. 
Jai Hind! Jai Synd!

MUNNABHAI CAIIB!!!!!

WHY DO BANKS HAVE BRANCHES?
If money does not grow on trees, then why do banks have branches.......?

Mr. Vithala Gowda Chittoor Branch

SHOW YOUR GUN TOMORROW!

Santa went to loot a bank. Since it was his first chance, in nervousness he forgot to carry his gun! Still succeeded!!!!! Wondering why? Because, the Branch Manager was Banta. He said after parting with the cash: "Make sure to show the gun tomorrow!"

Sardar Happy Singh Customer at Phillaur Branch

THE BRANCH MANAGER!

Unemployed and frustrated, Santa would climb atop a tree every morning and sit on a branch. Why? He had lost his mental balance and started considering himself as BRANCH MANAGER!!!

Mrs. Vartika Sirohi Jalandhar City Branch

BANKING HIERARCHY

Banking Hierarchy at its best:

Scale Zero: We are hero!

Scale One: All work to be done!

Scale Two: Some work to do!

Scale Three: Almost free!

Scale Four: Travel and tour!

Scale Five: Hello and hi!

Scale Six: Everything is fixed!

Scale Seven: Fully in heaven!

Ms. Charu Prasad Sector 38 Branch Chandigarh

A PROBATIONARY OFFICER'S PRAYER

Oh Lord! Please give me WISDOM to understand my Manager and PATIENCE to deal with his moods. Please do not give me STRENGTH, or else I will kill him!!!

Ms. Tanu Sahay Srivastava Annapoorna Branch Indore




A BANKER'S RHYME
Johny Johny! Yes Papa!
Banking service? Yes Papa!
Many tensions? Yes Papa!
Work pressure? Yes Papa!
BP-Sugar? Yes Papa!
Family life? No Papa!
Wage revision? Ha ha ha!!!
Mr. Anil Ghai RO Bhopal




SOME MOVIES THAT BANKERS DIRECTED
Kabhi Debit, Kabhi Credit
Cross Selling Wale Profit Le Jayenge
Main Accounts Kee Diwani Hoon
Hum Tax De Chuke Sanam
Hamara Account Aapke Paas Hai
Kaho Na Profit Hai
Kyun CBS Ho Gaya Na
Munna Bhai CAIIB
Jaanam Kishten Bharo
Mr. Muveen Ahamad Ramganj Mandi Branch




A FLY UNDER PROBATION
A young fly was getting trained by her mother. Both of them were hovering over the head of a young banker. The child asked: "Ma, What is this?" Mother replied: "Beta, this is a dense jungle with a narrow air strip in between". The fly and her mother came back after ten years and started hovering around the head of the same banker.  The child asked: "Ma, What is this?" Mother replied: "Beta, development has taken place in the last ten years. The narrow air strip has been converted into a broad runway." The fly and her mother came back again after another ten years and started hovering over the head of the same banker. The child asked: "Ma, What is this?" "Beta, now this is a full-fledged international airport", the mother answered referring to the bald banker!
Shared by Mr. M Y Sawant at SIBM during induction training, while 'welcoming' us to banking. Sawant Saab is now posted at RO Pune.




DREAMS INTO REALITY!
Santa had a dream of being beaten up by a young lady. Santa did not go to his bank for a week. Why? Because the bank promised: "We convert your dreams into reality!"
Ms. Supriya Verma Nanda Nagar Branch Indore




AGE IS JUST A NUMBER!*
Read from the T-Shirt of an about-to-retire top executive of our Bank, during morning walk:

............now younger than ever!!!

THE SYNDIAN
(* What do you think of this as a potential marketing idea?!?!?!)




THE SYNDIAN FOOTNOTE

THE SYNDIAN acknowledges the contributions of Fellow Syndians in compilation of these jokes. The jokes are meant only for light-hearted humour. Some jokes that could not be included will be published at a later time under the same label: Syndmile Please! If the reader also has some jokes to share, they can be sent to me by email or SMS for future posts. Please mention your full name and the name of your branch/ office.
THE SYNDIAN respects all communities and does not remotely intend to hurt anyone's sentiments. 
This post also marks the evolution of THE SYNDIAN from a monologue to a platform for sharing. THE SYNDIAN urges Fellow Syndians to be regular visitors, post comments, contribute articles and join as Fellow Syndians.
Let us consolidate it further, so that it emerges as an important tool in our marketing efforts.
Jai Hind! Jai Synd!